A week

This past week has contained two of the most disappointing moments of my life.

On Wed May 10 Middlesbrough FC were in their first major European final against Sevilla. After going 1-0 down in the first half to a good goal, we had a good chance and an appeal for a penalty denied. After that Sevilla ran riot and eventually won 4-0. It matters to me because part of me is wrapped up in Middlesbrough FC. It's probably not going to be the last european final we ever reach but to get so far and to come away with a 4-0 defeat hurts.

On Sun May 14 City Life FC were playing a cup final at Histon FC's home stadium. It was great to play in a proper stadium with some great support. We went 1-0 up when Faz scored from the penalty spot. C3 equalised late in normal time so we went through to 30 mins extra time. With no additional goals in extra time the game was decided on penalties. I volunteered to take a penalty and was given the 5th and last penalty. With the scores level I was gutted to hit the bar with my strike and then the next penalty sealed the win for C3.

Taking the commiserations of the C3 players, my team-mates and the crowd was an odd experience. I could hardly believe it had happened this way. I had decided the night before how i was going to take a penalty and i stuck to the plan but got to much loft on it. Another odd experience was looking out over the pitch when the floodlights had gone off and there was no one else about.

I had decided to allow how much God loves me to motivate me for the match and out on the pitch it was great to experience how much God loves me. On the train on monday I was pondering how much God loves and realised he loves me so much it hurts on the inside.

I was talking to Dave and telling him I would take a penalty again and I appreciate how much God loves me more after living through these experiences. Still, thinking about these disappointments makes me feel sick.

What is courage?

On our last weekend away I decided to be brave. For too long I've missed out on doing things because I've been too scared. A lot of the time I didn't even know what I was scared of, I just didn't want to be scared. While we were away together, talking and learning and sharing in each others lives, I decided that I didn't want to obey my fear, I wanted to defy it. So I did some things that scared me. First I jumped on the trampoline, then I swam in the sea at night, and finally I got baptised. Actually, I don't think that was the "and finally" moment - I've got a feeling it might just be the beginning of something good.

And here it is...listen carefully for Gav's new baptism liturgy.



(And thanks to Ruth for filming it.)